Film Reviews by Alphaville

Kingsman goes woke in this disappointing prequel full of anti-colonial and anti-war rhetoric. Prequel? Hardly. It’s like a perverse history lesson that has nothing to do with the first two films in the franchise. Instead the plot has a dull Ralph Fiennes sleep-walking his way through various incidents leading up to and during World War 1.

There’s even a bog-standard sequence about the horrors of trench warfare complete with Wilfrid Owen poem. In complete contrast, and even more misjudged, there’s a risible version of Rasputin’s famously drawn-out death presented as a sort-of Cossack dance. Another astounding misjudgement is an audience-alienating twist half-way through (beware reviews with spoilers). As for the main baddie, he’s nothing but a disgruntled Scotsman whose face we don’t even see until the end.

Matthew Vaughn again directs from his own story, so it’s real shame to find the franchise going so rapidly downhill. Only the climactic cliff-top fight captures the spirit of the original.

Dull po-faced treatment of Frank Herbert’s sci-fi novel. Director Denis Villeneuve makes far more of a hash of it than even David Lynch did with his 1984 version. If you thought Villeneuve’s Blade Runner 2049 was dull, wait till you see this.

It’s such a ridiculous premise anyway, with giant sand worms and a spice that enables space travel. Star Wars was equally ridiculous, but at least that had some life. You’ll find very little action here, despite what the trailer tries hard to make you think. Most of the 140min screen time is spent in darkened interiors, where various earnest characters indulge in screeds of exposition. A sand worm makes only a brief appearance to lighten the spiel.

After 20mins of this guff you may well decide another 2hrs of it is best watched on FF in the hope of catching something interesting. Beware good reviews of this film that seem to be written by fans of the novel. The film’s last line? “This is only the beginning.” Indeed. It’s little more than a dull lengthy prologue to the sequel.

The DVD sleeve promises an ‘edge-of the-seat disaster thriller’. Whoever wrote that should be sacked. In a small town boring people go about their boring business. For a whole hour nothing happens. Then it rains and they go underground and the camera shakes to indicate a tornado off-screen. Then they emerge to sort through debris. The end. Even the trailer can’t make it look interesting. It’s foot-through-the-screen awful.

Another great actioner from director Benny Chan, re-uniting Donnie Yen and Nicholas Tse from the wonderful Dragon Tiger Gate. This time they’re on opposite sides of the law as cop (Donnie) goes after charismatic robber (Nick). It’s action-packed with visceral gunfights galore beautifully filmed by a prowling camera. Chan shoots with energy to spare, mixing aerial, crane and steadicam shots and capturing both the dramatic and the picturesque.

The final confrontation between the two leads, reminiscent of Heat and choreographed as usual by Donnie, is operatic in scale. It’s not in Dragon Tiger Gate’s league and will not be to everyone’s taste owing to some melodramatic acting, but it’s a spellbinding watch for anyone who loves the moving image. There’s also a moving tribute over the end-credits.

Most of this film is set inside a 1943 war plane that is being attacked by a ‘monstrous’ gremlin. That’s the plot. Unfortunately the gremlin is likely to cause more laughs than terror. The first half-hour is even more constricted, being set inside a hatch inside the plane, with most of the dialogue happening off-screen.

There’s a short final scene outside, but even that is confined, so don’t be fooled by the misleadingly expansive trailer. This isn’t a film, it’s a radio play. Close your eyes and most of the time you’ll miss nothing. At 72mins before the end-credits roll, the makers obviously soon ran out of ideas.

Eastern western set in rural China in 1914, complete with lone hero and Morricone-style score. The amateurish acting may put some viewers off, but you don’t watch a Benny Chan actioner, with fight choreography by Sammo Hung, for social realism. It’s not Chan’s best, but it’s more brutal than you might expect, with some spirited confrontations and a climax that pulls out all the stops.

The first half is a warm wallow in small-town Americana with some of the snappiest dialogue you’ve ever heard on film. The best lines are given to Mckenna Grace and her pal Logan Kim – kids who are not the usual Hollywood brats but intelligent and funny. The adults have some witty lines too. It’s fun until, this being part of the Ghostbusters franchise, it develops into a silly cgi-fest. There’s also a mawkish ending that pays homage to the original film and completely skews the essence of the first half.

In the present day 18yo Ellie goes to London full of longing for the 60s vibe, but she’s a troubled soul. This is a film that lures you in with its 60s enthusiasm then straps you in for a wild journey in and out of the 60s, complete with 60s soundtrack. The less you know about the plot the better, so (as usual) try to avoid the trailer and spoiler reviews such as the CP one. Directed by Edgar Wright with some terrific visual effects and choreography and with the same verve he brought to films such as Hot Fuzz.

Do check out the trailer first. This is staid dramatic Sundance fare for those who like watching actors delve deeply into their characters while the ‘acclaimed’ director has little idea about what to do with a camera except point it at them. Touted as a ‘taut thriller’, this bickering family so-called-drama may instead help you drift off to sleep.

If you’re in the mood for a good old-fashioned shoot-em-up, this is one of the best of recent years. Turncoat fixer Frank Grillo gets himself locked up in a desert jail for safety and hitman Gerard Butler gets himself locked up in the same jail in order to kill him. Despite over-ripe initial dialogue and a preposterous denouement, the bulk of the movie has twists and action too spare, with standout turns from resilient cop Alexis Louder and psychopathic hitman Chad Coleman.

Most of the action takes place in the restricted space of the jail but never seems claustrophobic. Director Joe Carnahan, making his best film since The Grey, fills his characters with so much punch and shoots scenes with so much energy that it fairly rattles along.

How to make an action movie with no dull moments. Following a mine cave-in in northern Canada, driver Liam Neeson and a trio of heavy trucks launch a rescue mission on a dangerous ice road across thawing lakes and high passes. It begins as a by-the-numbers adventure in which you can guess some of the scrapes they’ll get into, but this only adds to the fun and the action ramps up and keeps going all the way to the end. There’s a resourceful baddie and the Arctic landscape adds another compelling dimension. Sure, it won’t suit an art-house crowd looking for social realism but, if it’s big screen entertainment you want, this delivers in spades.

The same review as for Part 1. The ‘conceptual art’ approach to small-scale film-making. Social realism, improvisation, static camera etc. Ironically, it’s a semi-autobiographical piece based on the director’s life as a film student. What are they teaching at film school these days? It’s certainly the antithesis of good cinema. If you’ve seen Part 1 you’ll know what you’re in for. Do check out the trailer first to avoid disappointment.

The ‘conceptual art’ approach to small-scale film-making. Social realism, improvisation, static camera etc. Ironically, it’s a semi-autobiographical piece based on the director’s life as a film student. What are they teaching at film school these days? It’s certainly the antithesis of good cinema and naturally won an award at Sundance. Do check out the trailer first to avoid disappointment.

The pre-titles sequence in Matero has the kind of exotic location stuntwork you expect from a good Bond film, but when the dismal theme song kicks in over the opening credits it’s downhill from then on. The only set-pieces after that are shoot-outs in which none of the baddies can shoot straight. The plot is dialogue-heavy and over-complicated in order to fit in all the characters, eg a pointless cameo with Blofeld. It’s just all so dull and stolid, with subdued performances and none of the humour and glamour the franchise used to entertain us with. Thank goodness this is the last of Daniel Craig’s gritty woke Bond persona. The franchise needs to get back to basics. Not so much a reboot as a retro-boot.

There’s no doubt a place for actorly dramatised history lessons to pass a Sunday evening on the TV, and this film’s heart is in the right place even if biased, but its main problem is that it’s oh-so-predictable and pedestrian with not an ounce of cinematic imagination.