Film Reviews by Alphaville

Staidly directed family drama about a young mother with post-natal depression… or is it more than that? A kind of mystery thriller that’s never really believable, it’s competent enough if you like slow-burn Sunday night TV fare. More likely, you may find you don’t give a toss.

Slow-burn drama about… wait for it… an auditor looking into a bank’s books. The title refers to cryptocurrency shenanigans around which the plot develops. Subtitles may help you follow all the tech-talk and acronyms. It’s pitched as a thriller but, despite a pounding electronic score, never develops much thrust. It even begins at a climactic stand-off to prompt interest before flashing back to the beginning – always a sign of a film unsure of maintaining interest.

Despite this, it’s an engaging, well-mounted piece with a couple of appealing leads in our autistic leading man and his tech-guy mate, and it has surprising heart.

A Korean pulp gangster movie that’s such an over-edited mish-mash of jump-cut images (slo-mo, stills, silhouette etc.) that it alienates from the first frame. The director was apparently trying to make a film about “movement” rather than story or character, so he must shoulder all the blame. No doubt it’s meant to be edgy and cool, but it just comes across as amateur and tiresome.

Don’t be fooled by the title. This is no sci-fi actioner. It's more like an Enid Blyton story called Four Go Wild in the Woods. The plot? Four teenage astronauts land on an alien planet and go walkabout in the woods with occasional gory moments. Apart from the lack of plot or pace, static direction, pointless dialogue and one-note “acting” make it seem like a shoestring-budget amateur production totally lacking in imagination. Even at a meagre 75mins, it fails on all counts.

An old-fashioned WW2 submarine film, ruined by being dubbed into English for morons, which destroys all sense of realism and involvement. The Belgian trailer shows what it might have been, but the original language Belgian version is not available on the DVD.

After an impressive above-ground (and wordless) action opening, there’s little here anyway but a Boys Own adventure with heroic resistance fighters and dastardly Germans. The main plot involves transporting uranium in a stolen Nazi U-boat and the claustrophobic underwater scenes are a clichéd bore you’ve seen a hundred times before. It might be better in the original language version, but probably not much.

What begins as a touching character study, about an ailing veteran living in a motorhome and hunting in the woods of a wintry Maine, develops into a suspenseful thriller when he finds himself hunted by a gang of criminals. An aged Tom Berenger, in his best film for a long time, anchors the piece as a thoroughly believable character you’ll root for. He even has trouble bending to pick up his rifle.

On the down side, the film lacks high points, Tom’s behaviour sometimes seems contrived for the sake of the plot, and it will disappoint anyone looking for in-your-face action. Otherwise, set in an austere environment so well captured you can almost feel the chill, this is a seductive 90min watch.

Beautifully realised French drama about a young man and his 7yo niece. The main plot point is a shocker that affects their lives. To say more would be a spoiler, even though many reviewers seem to want to spoil the viewing experience by giving the game away (why do they do that?). Even the trailer, for once, is safe to watch.

The film is intriguingly plotted, beautifully acted and directed, makes Paris look wonderful and takes you on an emotional ride. Only the French make films like this, when even a bicycle ride through the city, evoking memories of La Nouvelle Vague, is a joy to watch.

Family drama turns thriller after a startling plot point at the end of Act 1. Our hero’s life changes irrevocably and we’re suddenly in a different film with different characters. Probably better to ditch that first half-hour and treat it as back story, but that’s not the main problem. There’s no action and the low-key atmosphere never makes our man’s predicament at all thrilling.

What we’re left with is a more of an escapist movie than a thriller. No thrills, no excitement, just a meandering drama abut a man trying to escape his troubles, with only a few scenes that temporarily up interest. Based on a book with the same feeble title, the French title The Man Who Wanted to Live His Life is much nearer the mark.

If you don’t want to watch the film, the trailer will tell you the whole story in a much shorter time.

An Indonesian superhero film promises something different from the bog-standard Hollywood superhero fare, but it’s a real disappointment. We follow our hero from boyhood to manhood, until a lightning strike makes him superhuman. Unfortunately all that means is that he becomes good at martial arts. Cue clichéd fights with bands of baddies who come at him one at a time. You know the drill. Boring, boring.

Apart from a few pointlessly bloody scenes, this grossly overrated film is mostly a glacially slow mood piece that takes real determination to get through. Andrea Riseborough’s mind is transferred into Christopher Abbott’s body to make him murder someone… which means that as soon as we’re getting to know one character, she goes off screen in favour of another, destroying any empathy and interest built up (admittedly minimal in the first place). A montage of flashing images is used from time to time to indicate her troubled mind. It’s something to do with a corporate takeover (yawn, yawn).

With a more proficient director at the helm the premise might still work. But over-deliberate camerawork, subdued acting, one-paced exposition and a score so soporific it could be marketed as a sleep inducer make it difficult to keep off the Fast Forward button.

Sci-fi films should at least be stimulating, for goodness sake. For an exhilarating film in a similar vein, take Upgrade, for instance.

Critics of this film seem to be put off by its lack of cutting-edge science. Doesn’t seem to affect their view of other superhero films, which is effectively what this film is. Johnny Depp’s mind is uploaded into a computer and uses the internet to evolve and… No spoilers here. Go with it and this is a real ride, with a racing plot directed with verve by first-timer Wally Pfister, otherwise known for his work as director of photography on Christopher Nolan’s sci-fi films.

It’s an impressive debut that sweeps you along breathlessly on an increasingly outlandish and exciting journey. Sure you could question its believability, but why let that get in the way of a great watch. Ignore the nay-sayers. Compared to the over-rated mind-swap film Possessor, this is a real MOVIE.

Disastrous attempt to make a film about a Spanish hero (Bruc – the film’s Spanish title) on the run from Napoleon’s army. There’s no plot or characters of interest and an over-reliance on rapidly-edited close-ups soon palls. The wobbly camerawork even makes you want to look away from the screen, as when the camera is placed on the tip of an artists’ brush as he’s sketching. It’s a major production with some stunning mountain scenery and one standout scene where a manhunt ends on a precipice, but overall the amateurish direction makes it a yawn-fest. The Making Of feature on the DVD Xtras is more interesting.

A classy German thriller that begins with a terrific and startling action set-piece. Unfortunately it’s the only one. There are shades of Silence of the Lambs as a serial killer in jail taunts our rural hero cop, but nothing matches up to that opening salvo. The plot becomes more interested in the psychological unravelling of the cop than in thrills or suspense. None of it is convincing, especially when overloaded with annoying biblical overtones. It does pick up again towards the end, but with a length of 2hrs it lacks pace and focus. On the plus side, director Christian Alvart, here making his first major feature in 2005, shows great flair with the camera and this keeps you watching.

Minor Phillip Dick short story can’t stretch to 90min run time, especially when it’s this poorly directed. Despite lavish sets, there’s nothing here but a simple tale about a human who might be an alien. Cue lots of boring running around in darkened interiors. In an effort to add some kinetic energy to the plot, director Gary Fleder waves the handheld camera around until you just want to look away.

Except he isn’t Frankenstein. He’s Adam. He’s killed his creator (who actually was Dr. Frankenstein) and 200 years later (i.e. now) he’s joined the Gargoyle Order to fight demons. It’s 88 minutes of risible dialogue and cgi gargoyle-demon action nonsense. Aaron Eckhart slums it as Adam and Bill Nighy turns up to chew the scenery as Chief Demon. Not even they can save it. Only high production values offer occasional interest and make you wonder what was everyone involved thinking.