Film Reviews by Alphaville

It’s the 17th century and Holland is at war with the dastardly English, who call them cheeseheads and have bigger ships. Charles II (a roguish Charles Dance) can even afford to spend his time cavorting with his topless French mistress. If he does lose a battle he can always call on his French mate Louis XIV to lend a hand (in the war, that is).

The plot is entirely predictable, even though Dutch political in-fighting and the sea battles themselves are sometimes hard to follow. The use of models and matte paintings also shows sometimes, making the fighting less visceral than the battles in the superior South Korean sea epic Roaring Currents.

Nevertheless it’s a gorgeous film to watch, with a palette of warm colours straight out of a Rembrandt painting. Our portly hero’s even a bit Rembrandt-esque himself, although true to historical depictions of the actual Dutch admiral.

As a whole it’s a well-mounted film that’s fascinating to watch, recreating a world we haven’t seen before. Although basically an Errol Flynn-type romp, it has poignant moments and even one gruesome sequence that will have you squirming. Who knew that it was the Dutch who invented the ‘sea soldiers’ called marines? And how often do you get to see an enemy fleet sailing up the Medway to burn Chatham?

This gritty LA cop drama partners a cynical old-timer with a rookie and lets us follow them in their squad car through a single night while they deal with a series of unconnected incidents. We’ve seen it many times before, with loads of cop jargon you may well need subtitles to understand (the DVD has none). Their boring cross-talk soon palls and you may begin to wonder what the point of the film is beyond mimicking a documentary that highlights what a tough job LA cops have.

As a drama it completely fails to engage. The direction is smooth enough, but the plot is a dud that goes nowhere. The blurb calls it a ‘riveting crime thriller’. Er no, it isn’t. Even the title is meaningless. In the States it’s called Crown Vic (the model of the car), which is equally bad.

Jean Reno plays a grizzled hitman (what else?) holed up in a cabin in the snowy wastes of Washington state (filmed in Ukraine). A mysterious woman has a snowmobile accident and gate-crashes his solitude. Meanwhile a clichéd cop is on his tail. The various strands don’t hang together, the plot treads water and the slow pace leads only to a brief and unconvincing action ending. Still, if you’re in an unforgiving mood, the snowy scenery may just about be enough to keep you watching.

Two years after Upgrade, writer/director Leigh Whannell returns with another stonking sci-fi-based thriller that’s wrongly and off-puttingly promoted as horror. The set-up? Imagine if the horrible husband of Julia Roberts in Sleeping With the Enemy was an optics genius who could make himself invisible. Instead of resorting to boring horror-film tropes (OTT gore, baddie jumping in from side of screen etc.), Whannell plays with the notion of what is visible/invisible in-frame. What if the baddie might be in shot but neither the heroine nor the audience can see him?

This makes for some intense scenes given extra heft by extensive use of smooth steadicam shots (no irritating jerky hand-helds here). There are some nice creepy moments as the stakes become higher and our suffering heroine becomes a resourceful action woman fighting great special effects. In an immaculately directed film, Whannell never puts a foot wrong.

Worth watching also are a great set of DVD Xtras, including a director commentary. Shame the imaginative hand-overs he attempted in the car chase never made the final cut.

If you enjoy Donnie Yen’s IP Man franchise you’ll really enjoy this well-written and beautifully directed spin-off, which if anything is even better. The flying fists this time belong to Jin (Max) Zhang, who makes an engaging hero even in the dramatic scenes. Muscling in on the action are also Michelle Yeoh and gentle giant Dave Bautista, who make formidable foes. Even Tony Jaa puts in a guest appearance to strut his stuff. The plot and acting are more involving than in most Hong Kong martial arts films and the action doesn’t disappoint. There’s an eye-popping balletic fight on the side of a building and a series of explosive confrontations between the principal characters. Watch and wonder.

On a tropical island a group of annoying guests have their fantasies magically come true… but be careful what you wish for. It’s complete nonsense but it does get better as it bowls along, with dollops of thriller, action, humour and light horror. If you’re in an undemanding mood, it’s silly enough to be watchable with picturesque Fiji locations and unexpected plot twists to keep things entertaining.

It makes its first mistake right at the beginning, with a spoiler scene from the end followed by the dreaded title ‘8 months earlier’. Mind you, if they didn’t show our heroine holding a gun in an end-scene you wouldn’t stick with this bore of a film. You probably won’t stay the distance anyway. Staid direction, hand-held camera, a focus on close-ups of talking heads, one-note acting, protracted plot, no pace, an almost total lack of action… it would take too long to list everything that’s wrong with this.

Interesting biopic of Marie Curie, although as the title implies it’s equally a history of radium, polonium and radioactivity, which she discovered. There are even brief dramatic reconstructions of future events such as Hiroshima 1945. The science could be better explained and, as with most biopics that cover the subject’s whole life rather than focus on the most interesting part of it, the tone is uneven. After we’ve become involved in Curie’s personal and scientific life in Paris with her colleague and husband Pierre, the events of her later life with her eldest daughter, though equally important in reality, come across as an anti-climax on screen. Still, it’s a fascinating story of a remarkable woman and a very watchable film.

Korean would-be all-action blockbuster fails on all levels, with a predictable plot set on a hijacked subway train, amateurish characterisation and silly action. The opening set-piece sets the trend, with loads of extras gunning each other down but unable to shoot straight at any of the main characters. It’s all shot with a hectic hand-held camera and micro-edited into a jigsaw-puzzle of disjointed images. Doona Bae, so good in A Girl At My Door, is wasted in a thankless supporting role.

After a mysterious and exciting beginning, this develops into a protracted and less-than-engrossing political drama about a housing scam with racial undertones in 1950s New York. It’s something of a noir vanity project for writer/director/star Edward Norton, but he makes a good job of all three roles. As actor he plays a gumshoe with a Tourette’s problem and as director he contributes some winning moments. There’s an atmospheric scene in a jazz joint, for instance, where co-star Gugu Mbatha-Raw dances with him to calm down his tics. It’s just a shame it’s such a convoluted, overlong and not very interesting plot.

With a poorly constructed plot, sketchy characterisation and scattergun direction, it’s hard to drum up any interest in whatever’s going on. The climax is more involving, but overall it’s not one of director Benny Chan’s best. Standout action scenes on rooftops and the Tsing Ma bridge are too short due to tight filming constraints, but the exciting ‘Making Of’ features on the DVD show that what brave star Ekin Chang had to do would never be allowed in Hollywood.

A serial killer’s on the loose in 1960s communist Hungary and the cops are on his trail. It ain’t Hollywood, that’s for sure. In unnecessarily gruesome detail we see what the killer does to his female victims after he kills them. You may find some of the sadistic detail disturbing. It’s also confusing. An innocent man, who looks exactly like the real killer, confesses for no apparent reason. It might help to know that this is merely an error in casting.

Yet there’s much to like here. At last we have an East European film that isn’t bogged down in historic social realism. At last we have a director (Arpad Sopsits) who knows what to do with a drone and a steadicam. The plot bowls along from murder to murder and, if you have a strong stomach, the whole piece is different enough to be interesting.

Another endless talky home-made film (after Resolution and Spring) from writers/directors/stars Aaron Moorhead and Justin Benson. The concept, as ever, is small-scale spooky sci-fi with little plot development and minimal special effects. In this one a couple of guys (guess who) revisit a cult they once belonged to. Cue lots of talk. On the DVD Xtras they seem like nice guys, but their films are a trial to sit through for little pay-off. Last line of this effort: ‘You figure it out’.

A warm-hearted documentary about the great Italian cinemaphotographer Carlo di Palma, from his early work in post-war monochrome neorealism, through his contributions to the great Antonioni films such as Red Desert and Blow-up, to the dozen films he made with Woody Allen. With contributions from lots of famous directors and loads of film clips, this is a treasure trove for anyone interested in film. As di Palma himself says : ‘Life is less beautiful without a good film.’

A young couple are stuck in a suburban nightmare. They’ve been lured onto a deserted, labyrinthine housing estate that has no way out. You probably know more than that anyway from the Cinema Paradiso blurb. (Do avoid the trailer and the CP 'critic review’ below – they’re even more tell-tale.) The less you know the better as it will keep you watching to find out what the heck is going on. It’s sci-fi on a small scale. It ultimately makes no sense and it could do with more incident along the way, but there are some unsettling moments and the journey will keep you watching.