Film Reviews by RB

This ‘film’ is more like an in-house work film by a particularly tedious employee. The first ten minutes was concerned with a police meeting and for reasons never explained, moving their office into an abandoned cinema, you know, as they always do. This was the cue to film desks being moved, boxes opened and another ten minutes of tedium as the police just generally looked round, all filmed on a camera that must have been salvaged from a skip and recorded on surplus communist nineteen forties film. During yet another section of filming anything nearby that seemed interesting ( a building site-perhaps the camera man was five) I turned it off. Haven’t the Chinese ever seen a film before? Maybe books on film structure and plotting are banned? Audio and recording equipment certainly seem to have been. 

Adan Sandler- that should have been warning enough for me. This film seems to have no plot at all, in fact none of the scenes even seem to relate to one another. I didn’t care enough about the utterly tedious story or unconvincing characters to stick around to find out if the garage next door would have time to repair the woman’s car, or what became of the abandoned keyboard. 

If you’re used to action films then this is not for you. It follows a toilet cleaning man on his rounds over a few weeks, but in that time the little connections he makes to people and work mates unfold and draw you in. 

I managed to get to the second long winded and boring ‘ceremony’ scene before switching off. There is only so much chanting round fires I can sit through. 

pretentious wank. The deliberate and protracted efforts to highlight the artificiality of the situation make it impossible to engage in the story.

As another reviewer has mentioned, the in-house reviewer should be fired. Is there anything they won’t give 5 stars to?

For as long as I could stand watching this, it only consisted of a dry and dull interview, which occasionally referenced someone else I have never heard of. Maybe of interest to a classical music fan but of scant interest to anyone else. There are plenty of films on esoteric subjects or people that are engaging and inclusive. This isn’t one of them.

Every scene of this indulgent bloated film seems to have tried to outdo the previous one. It almost instantly loses touch with reality but the greater the madness the less the viewer cares. The acting is terrible, even from the A list actors too. Imagine a film riveted by an eight year old boy on coffee and sweets and you get close to this nonsense. 

Did I mention it was boring? I did? Well it’s also pretensions too. I can’t spin this out to 100 character, it really did signify nothing, vacuous pontificating twaddle 

I’m sick of equally pretentious Cinema Paradiso reviews distorting the real reviews from customers. The films terrible and everyone else who’s seen it knows it

The first shot is a tortuously long one of a ship traveling up a river, then a woman discovers a skeleton. Cut to protracted shots of more boats and a dog sniffing it’s arse and we are back to the now uncovered skeleton (heaven knows why she doesn’t call the police). Now it’s a flashback to some appalling bad acting and the realisation than the whole film is shot on a blurry old camera in a strange orientation. I gave up at that point. If the actors and director can’t be bothered then I’m afraid I can’t either.

Acting that would shame an amateur dramatics society, a script that veers between the unintentionally hilarious (Swindon space control) and jarringly unrealistic, this is a truly terrible film. I expect the only way it was made was because the whole budget was £500. I made it only to the ten minute mark.

I’m sure this was a very cathartic process for someone, but ultimately it’s not great entertainment, especially for anyone who works in an office. It is however well made and we’ll acted 

The BBC makes so few films, it’s incomprehensible that they should chose to make this. Signifying nothing, saying nothing, it’s not even shot well

Manages to perfectly capture the boredom of the trenches by virtue of having nothing happen during the whole film