Film Reviews by NP

‘Skin Collector’ begins with a pre-credits sequence where stunning young Asian waitress Cathy politely declines the advances of a middle-aged hopeful and this results in his subsequent temper tantrum and her brutal murder in a public place, unseen by anyone. I wondered if this unassuming man was to be the film’s killer, because although competently played, he doesn’t possess any menace, instability or threat.

The hero of the piece Delgado (Casper Van Dien), a police inspector, is as square-jawed, designer stubbled and ruggedly handsome as you could imagine – competent but bland. With these two main players holding things together, this doesn’t promise to be riveting viewing, sadly.

Wendy, a bullied (by her unspeakable mother) Portland secretary, is the most appealing character, and through her, things become ever more watchable. She is the most appealing character. Well played by Danielle Harris and constantly in jeopardy or put down by those around her, it is difficult not to empathise as her face crumples in misery as a result of her latest hardship.

Amid the nicely filmed rainy locations and John Jarratt’s performance, the unterrifying Rood slowly becomes a fascinating villain because of his child-like politeness and unstoppable nature – an interesting combination. Stick with this and you’ll enjoy it. My score is 7 out of 10.

This is an increasingly compelling home invasion chiller concerning a group of high-class daughters left alone and at the mercy of an unruly group of guests. The performances vary, my favourite – and most convincing - characters being Sam (Elana Di Troya), Toby (Flynn Horne) and Josh (Owen Bleach).

A low budgeted production, this isn’t particularly polished or sophisticated, but the money is spent wisely and used where it counts. There are some effective moments, for example, Ella’s fate is particularly gruesome. Iain Mahanty’s music is also very effective.

Although there may be pacing problems in the mid section, a good selection of twists and revelations keep the interest and these only increase toward the satisfying finale. I had a great time with this; my score is 8 out of 10.

This stars sisters Anne and Vicki Michelle, the former long since having disowned the film, saying the producer had just wanted nude scenes. She’s absolutely right of course. This Tigon tale presents the two girls as impossibly naïve, unknowingly sexy and always willing to disrobe. The media at the time often presented young females in this way.

The disrobing ironically acts as a cover-up, because there is not much plot to speak of, outside of what you can imagine from the title. I was hoping for something a little Hammer-esque amidst the blatant exploitation, a hint of something to justify the ‘witch’ of the title. There’s nothing much - some very nice locations from a bygone era, lots of frolicking and a nicely downbeat ending.

However, I’m not sure how an exploitation movie featuring much nudity and dark rituals could turn out to be quite this dull, but Director Ray Austin and super-soap Crossroads founder Hazel Adair manage it. There are sinister moments, but they seem to be directed with such a leisurely pace, and a musical score devoid of any menace, it’s difficult to become invested.

On the acting front, there are no particularly bad performances here, but Patricia Haynes really injects some life into the role of Sybil Waite. Other than that, ‘Virgin Witch’ is distinctly average. My score is 4 out of 10.

Very slow-moving horror that plays its cards very close to its chest, heightened by some fine acting. Basically, a two-piece featuring the fractious relationship between posh Sophia (Catherine Walker) and coarse Joseph Solomon (Steve Oram); these two sharply written (writer Liam Gavin, who also directs, is clearly a name to look out for), beautifully played characters carry most of the film.

Maybe we have to wait a little too long for things to start happening, but we won’t get as frustrated about it as Sophia, who gets very angry indeed. This is a good, claustrophobic chiller rather than a fully-fledged horror a lot of the time, although the events toward the end take on a much more gruesome nature. I thoroughly enjoyed this. My score is 8 out of 10.

This acclaimed dark tale has all the trappings of a sophisticated TV movie whodunit horror bolstered by some crisp direction, nice character-driven writing and extraordinary acting.

Director Michael Pearce conveys a convincingly off-kilter, somewhat isolated community which is subtly creepy – as are the main players Moll (Jessie Buckleyl) and Pascal (Johnny Flynn). All supporting players are great as well, especially Geraldine James as the respectably monstrous Hilary.

I don’t find it quite as riveting as some reviewers, but there’s no doubt the story – where you never quite know who to side with – is played with extraordinary power. My score is 7 out of 10.

Ultimately this is an enjoyably mild and atmospheric horror film if you get past the slightly dull first half. It has the production values of a TV Movie, but is atmospherically shot with a nice line in melancholy.

The acting is convincing throughout, even during the talky scenes set in featureless cabins. A slow burner for sure, but not bad. My score is 6 out of 10.

After a fairly promising beginning, the film proper seems at first like a different production. Aesha, a bubbly former tearaway, is well played by Becca Hirani and the story has potential but the pacing leaves a lot to be desired.

A conversation where the villain of the piece politely asks to be let in, and is politely turned down, goes on for an age, lapsing into farce. Perhaps it is meant to, but to constantly revert to a scene that is unnecessary and hardly progresses, saps the interest. It’s a shame, because heavily reduced, it might have been quite effective. The villain, when revealed, seems less physically able than the two sprightly girls Aesha and Imogen (Tiffany-Ellen Robinson). They could at least have tried to defend themselves.

The dialogue is marred by many statements beginning with ‘sorry’; director/writer Scott Jeffrey might have taken steps to iron out such repetition and improved the end result.

Ultimately, we have a film that almost works, but could have been better. There’s a nice eccentric performance from Thomas Mailand as Dan, which helps things along. My score is 6 out of 10.

Nice scantily clad girls and cretinous boys take a tour around Ravensworth Asylum. The most irritating of these is Carl, who is certainly the first character I wanted to see succumb to what unpleasantness this film had to offer. For an irredeemable twit, Adam Horner plays him very well, and he turns out to be the most interesting character; his male counterparts aren’t much more likeable. The development between the characters is fuelled almost entirely by conversations about whether or not to have sex. Titillating, but not really engaging.

Only Sofia (Madeline Marie Dona) has a story to tell, and it’s all blurted out in exposition. This is a possible reason given for her affinity with the twin-set of ghostly activity occurring in the abandoned, but remarkably tidy, asylum location.

There are more than enough twists and revelations at the end to ensure the film ends on a point of interest, but getting there is a meander. My score is 6 out of 10.

This is a home invasion horror story with a main cast of three characters. There are some truly lovely misty locations, all nicely filmed and directed. The story is a bit slow, but enlivened by some witty dialogue, particularly from Aidan O’Neil as Karl, an un-PC social worker assigned to visit David, a recluse who has recently been discharged from a mental institution.

I enjoyed this independent production. It’s well directed and co-written by Mike Dunkin and sells a good atmosphere of isolation and fear. There’s a twist at the end; twists are tricky things – get them wrong and the whole film tumbles down like a house of cards. Here, though, I found the revelations to be satisfying, but in a tone consistent with the rest of the story. My score is 8 out of 10.

I found this to be a pleasingly indefinable film, but the thin story turned out to be insubstantial. It’s directed rather like a fly-on-the-wall documentary on actress Maggie Cheung (playing a fictional version of herself). Cheung is playing Irma Vep (an anagram of Vampire), and the story contents itself with allowing us to see her experiences behind-the-scenes in an ego-driven industry with a washed-up director (Jean-Pierre Léaud).

The acting is impeccable, and Cheung emerges as one of the few genuine and likeable characters. The story is entertaining once you get onto its wavelength, which I’m not sure I ever did entirely. An acquired taste for sure. My score is 5 out of 10.

Strange to see a research team fitted with face masks and sanitizers and realise it’s set in the world as it is in the early 2020s. I write this as we’re getting to what might be the end of the Covid pandemic that has changed lives for two years. When it first occurred, I remember walking into a supermarket and seeing it full of empty shelves and thinking how it was like something out of a sci-fi film – and terrifying. Ben Wheatley transfers this every day terror very well to film; people getting on with their lives as best they can in a newly dangerous world.

A routine reconnaissance is interrupted by the arrival of the initially benign Zach (always brilliant Reece Shearsmith), and what follows is distinctly uncomfortable. The leaden pace means we can really relish and dwell on the unsophisticated unpleasantness, and the effects are such that nothing looks like it isn’t happening.

The problem is, it is for the most part, pretty dull. Perhaps that’s the point, but there’s no pace, no spectacle: nothing – perhaps that would be too obvious.

The folk horror credentials are nicely displayed - rolling landscape, hippy-ish characters, runic symbolism and effigies hanging from trees, and plenty of psychedelic imagery – but none of this really comes to anything. Sometimes weirdness is just as unsettling and disorientating as horror, but that’s not the case here. Ultimately, the whole viewing experience is sadly turgid and vacuous. My score is 4 out of 10.

It might be a strange to criticise this modern day giallo film for looking a little cheap; in their heyday in the early 70s, such genre films were never hugely budgeted.

This does have the look of an Indie film though, which is absolutely no problem in itself, but it robs the production of the stylish values usually attributed to the gialli.

The acting is fine, although Italian actors speaking English when it is not their first language damages it a bit. It also makes it difficult to care about the characters, which is unfortunate as many of them spend quite a few scenes in jeopardy.

I don’t mean to be too damning here though. Any half-respectable reinvention of the gialli style is a good thing as far as I’m concerned, and there are some nicely filmed set pieces and some weird and fascinating red herrings – and a fair bit of sex too. My score is 6 out of 10.

A girl falls foul of a horrendous prank and ends up disabled. Five years later, those responsible are brought together for a somewhat ill-advised reunion. The most decent of this bunch is Josh (Richard Summers-Calvert), boyfriend to Frankie (Becca Hirani). Of them all though, Connie (Kate Lister) is my favourite, because she’s absolutely awful to everyone from start to finish with virtually no redeeming moments whatsoever throughout the picture

I felt that things got a little confused somewhat through the 97 minute running time, but became clearer toward the finale – and what a finale it is. There’s a really good twist at the end. I observed that when the villains are revealed, they suddenly develop potty mouths, as to underline their descent into evil!

This is very nicely filmed and features some mostly fine performances. I noticed some of the dialogue was occasionally clunky, and possibly five or ten minutes might have been shaved off the running time – but otherwise, I had a good time with this. 7 out of 10.

A haunted dress, then. That’s the star of this strange story – not entirely serious, quite satirical in places, featuring great character studies, but ultimately a disappointment.

This is set in an unspecific period, although the grotesque adverts that occasionally flash across television sets is distinctly early 80s. The styles employed by the staff at the clothes emporium have a 1920s severity about them.

Marianne Jean-Baptiste is great as Jill, a normal, cheerful woman who surrounds herself mostly with deeply unpleasant people. Two of her managers at work, wonderfully played by Julian Barrett and Steve Oram, provide the kind of caustic ridiculousness only employers can provide. Her real troubles begin, though, when she is sold the dress from a department store straight out of a Dario Argento film.

The next person to inherit the dress, albeit somewhat unlikely, is Reg Speaks (Leo Bill), a washing machine repairer. He could have been a Mike Leigh caricature and seems a little out of place compared with the wondrous ordinariness of Sheila.

My problems with this eccentric piece is that none of the characters’ stories are resolved – far from it, in fact, which seems to be deliberate. I found that lack of closure deeply frustrating, a perversion too far. When the sudden ending brought the curtain down, I was left with the feeling that this was very nearly a surreal success – but not quite. 7 out of 10.

A strange box is delivered to a 77 year old granny who lives in a big house with her son, his wife and their two children. The man delivering the box, Uncle Jim (Mike Waugh), could said to be the black sheep of the family – which is some achievement, because this is one of the most appalling collections of human beings ever collected in one vicinity. From little blond poppet Charlie, who hides in a cardboard whenever his idiocy upsets someone, to the daughter’s boyfriend, who, on his way to announce he’s impregnated the girl, helps himself to the contents of the fridge and sits there eating with his ear-buds in.

As the film progresses, I understand the requirement to make the family as objectionable as they are for the sake of the storyline and their place in it, but it is impossible to side with this gang even when things get desperate.

The delivered box contains the titular CGI creature – not badly achieved, and as good an actor as most of the cast. The story involves giving the box to the one you love to save yourself. Uncle Jim gave it to his own mother, the charmer.

Only by the bizarre ensuing situation brings these horrible people together. It’s difficult to decide who I dislike the most, but it certainly isn’t the gremlin.

My favourite line goes to Detective Morris Patterson (Michael Anthony Page) when the plot is explained to him: “That’s the biggest load of f****** b******* I ever heard.”

The film is rather better than that though, and the ending is very effective. My score is 7 out of 10.