Film Reviews by AER

If it were possible to leave minus stars on these reviews this would be minus 5. This unfinished, amateurish quickie has all the flare and poise of a home video of a child's nativity play, filmed by a drunk. There is no reason to watch this sorry shambles of a horror unless, like me, you waste too much time searching the UK's homegrown film releases for a low-budget horror gem. Painful - and this isn't director Louisa Warren's first film either, she's got form. Also avoid Satanic Nun, Viking War and Curse of the Scarecrow - and there's about 10 more from this terrible director coming too. You're better off dead than watching this.

Ian McKellen and Helen Mirren give this pulpy thriller a touch of class. Unfortunately, the plot is so far-fetched and has some whopping implausibilities at its heart that the whole film falls apart when you think back on it. However, it's an entertaining watch, and definitely Ian McKellen's best role since Mr Holmes (same director). So it plays well in the middle ground but once the cats out of the bag, you will groan that the film makers actually 'went there'. Fun but basic.

Gentle of pace and big on character, this is a beautiful portrait about parent's outliving their usefulness and relevance. Now a mistress of the universe, a highpowered executive has no time for her visiting father. So he sets about trying to sneak back stage into her life by usin ghis skills as a practical joker - he dons a bad wig and false teeth and begins to turn up at her work social gatherings and meetings. It's sweet but not sickly sweet and anyone with a heart and a taste for non-conventional films will get a lot from Toni Erdmann. In this age of bang for your buck, and sh*t CGI, this is just the tonic I needed. As a character driven piece and a comedy, it was aces all the way - it's very long though. hmmm.

Please avoid this filmmaker. His no-budget efforts have hit an all time low. This is an incoherent shambles. Unscary, repetitve and just a shade over 1 hour long (which was a good point). Horrendous acting from lead Jon-Paul Gates - perhaps the worst performer in employment - he should have his equity card revoked. Bad acting honours are hotly competed for and it looks like it includes footage of real-life people who were stupid enough to pay to see a ghost. Maybe their entrance fee got used to pay for the 10p the director and crew spent on props.

Historically woeful, this is an all-time low for one of the very worst filmmakers ever to have learnt how to unscrew a lense cap. Cr*p of the highest order.

You will have wished you had just sat and watched one of those Michael Winner-starring insurance adverts on a four hour loop.

Very poor sequel to the lacklustre White Noise, that starred Michael Keaton. White Noise 2 - The Light seems to be a different story completely and bits about the TV static seem to be inserted in at the edges (zelig-like) - this may have been written as an unrelated stand-alone then shoehorned into shape. I only watched this as I like Nathan Fillion from Firefly. Well, I don't anymore because this film sucked. The acting is poor, the script perfunctory and the special-effects aren't special at all. The plot runs around in circles with only one good set-piece involving a grand piano. Sadly though, this is poor man's Final Destination - it wouldn't even qualify to be a poor sequel. Craig Fairbrass shows up in a rare Stateside role but he's sidelined early on and hamstrung by the bad dialogue 'Tria mera! If save, must kill...' zzzzz. It was cheap, uncheerful and ultimately, very lame.

Sorry Nathan.

amateur hour - this film feels like somebody's played a very bad joke on you. don't waste your time. warning - this contains lethal-strength Jon-Paul Gates.

Oversimplified yet muddled cop thriller that badly wants to be an action film. Swapping conversation for endless gun battles, 21 Bridges doesn't short change on the set-pieces, however, it's a bit empty above the neck. A muddled plot which champions the hard working ethics of the police, yet presents 9 out of 10 as corrupt drug dealers is a hard sell. Well acted, the script is largely cornball, and Chadwick Boseman (in the lead role) struggles to convince here, whereas he's pretty much owned every other role I've seen him in (42, Get On Up, Black Panther). It's alright but this makes Den of Thieves look like Heat.

If you grew up loving Hip Hop like I did in the 1980s then Beat Street was VHS rarity. In the UK there were zero video shops that stocked this. So the most accessible way to get into this was via the accompanying LPs - VOL 1 & 2. Now, the story is throwaway, the script basic and the acting a bit ropey, but if you want to see what Hip Hop was really like in the 1980s watch this or Wild Style for a dash of authenticity. The breaking is world class in it and features the Rocksyeady Crew and NYC Breakers. On the music tip, you got Melle Mel & The Furious 5, Us Girls (Queen Lisa Lee, Debbie D, Sha-Rock), Jazzy Jay, Afrika Bambaataa & The Soul Sonic Force (feat. Shango), Tina B, The System, Wanda Dee and so many others... It's as 1980s as it gets but if you want to see just how much Hip Hop has evolved from it's street origins - take a peak at this.

This peculiar Australian film from the mid 1990s fails to get under the main characters' skin. However, with better characterisation and more sympathetic editing this could have been a compelling drama - thriller. Set in Papua New Guinea, Jack (TCHEKY KARYO - BAD BOYS) and his new wife Kay (RACHEL GRIFFITHS - MURIEL'S WEDDING) live in a rural community where they mix with the natives and a few rough ex-pats. Jack's former wife, Rose died under mysterious circumstances. After a few incidents see him begin to unspool it becomes apparent to her that Jack is playing out his marriage all over again with her in the Rose role. Things turn murderous when she realises that she is effectively his prisoner and there's no one who can help. The plot is as muddy as the river in the film and the actors splash around unconvincingly until the mystery of Rose's death becomes apparent and Jack finally flips.

An interesting back drop and location make this just about watchable, but mostly it's a botch best forgotten. Director John Hillcoat went on to make much better films after this like THE PROPOSITION and LAWLESS...

Turgid, muddled and badly scripted.

Flat, amateurish Welsh horror movie. This a sequel to an unreleased movie called Cleaver - Rise of the Killer Clown. This has an amateur cast strangling Kansas accents who have a talent for sucking the air out of any scene that ended up in this unfinished s**tfest. Awful acting which required everybody to speak really slowly - like broken autocue slowly - and move even slower. Packed with more cliches than a James Cameron film festival, this is a sub-student film workout which was probably fun to make but was an absolute chore to watch. Viewing films like this is a lonely experience and I really should stick to films I know are gonna be good. I should be able to sniff t**ds like this a mile-off. Two of the cast are regulars for director Andrew Jones who is similarly bad. There must be something bad in the water in South Wales as there aren't any good films coming out of South Wales these days. Sad, unscary, unfunny clown slasher flick. If you want a bad clown movie that is at least a little bit watchable seek out Clown Kill.

Who remembers Geordie filmmaker Mike Figgis? Well, this was one of his earliest films (possibly his first American film) and it had an intriguing plotline about an architect whose past is linked to cast-iron department store building. On the verge of being demolished by a friend the architect becomes obsessed with preserving it and becomes embroiled in a murder that happened at the store decades before. He also has designs on his friend's photographer wife.

This is definitely style over content. Derailed by stilited performances and very poor dialogue, the premise for this potentially good mystery-noir is squandered. Memorable locations and set-pieces brought me back all these years later to see if I was too young to understand it when it was released back in early 1992. But in fact it was just as ponderous, poe-faced and silly as it was back in the day. it stars lots of forgotten 90s stars like Kevin Anderson (SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY), Pamela Gidley (TWIN PEAKS - FIRE WALK WITH ME), Kim Novak (VERTIGO), Anne Lange, Catherine Hicks (CHILD'S PLAY), Graham Beckell (LA CONFIDENTIAL) and an early lead from Bill Pullman (INDEPENDENCE DAY).... (not including BP in my list of forgotten stars here.) Director Mike Figgis would get better with practice - LEAVING LAS VEGAS and ONE NIGHT STAND are great. But where is he now???

Fun thriller of the kind that was on UK cinemas every week back in the late 90s - early 2000s. Good to see David Tennant hamming it up as a nutso woman abducter square off again Robert Sheehan. Too many plotholes and stupid moves by the main characters will have you shouting at the TV, and the ending was preposterous. Still we don't watch films like this to educated ourselves - it did what is said on tin. It passed the time nicely and won't tax anybody's brains. Nice product placement of Quick Lime! LOL

Man so many filmmakers are playing with dollies these days. The mini homunculous who looks like Willem Dafoe has returned to wreak havoc in slow motion alongside Lee Bane's Toymaker. These films are notable for their lack of special FX, suspense, good acting or anything to reason to recommend them. Probably the worst in the cycle so far but that's very feint praise. You could watch it to laugh at the bad Russian accents and Lee Bane's really hilarious old man make up. This is low-budget filmmaking at its worst. Cheap and terrible. But 5 films in and Robert is still going strong. Someone out there must be watching these.

All three sequels are forgettable and I only saw the newest one last night. I keep on going back for more but the magic of the first MIB is beginning to look like a fleet footed ghost that cannot be bottled up and sold again and again. Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones came back for two more sequels but were wise to give this new one the swerve as its attempts at invention and fun fall flat again and again. Maybe, I'm getting too old for MIB but if films like Guardians of the Galaxy and Logan can draw me then this has missed a giant trick.

See the cinema paradiso review because I essay my thoughts better an I agree with his thoughts. I will add though that the character keep on referring to H's (Chris Hemsworth) former glory days, that he's coasting and that the joy has gone. It's almost as if they are talking about the acotr himself who looks stoned and very bored. Tessa Thompson is too vapid to make much of an impression, her origin story and rise to the top of the ranks is faster than a Rocky montage on fast forward and you never get to know her.

It's a shame that MIB 4 is a throwaway as bits come to life and are actually quite charming but it soon becomes apparent that this is a cynical money spinner in this dead blockbuster period of boring cookie-cutter sequels / reboots / remakes / undercooked CGI BBQs. This one gave me a belly ache. Still it's nowhere near as bad as the MIB rip-off RIPD.

Negligible but young teens may well like it.

An unflinching portrayal of life on the streets. A gay street hustler, Michel, finds himself imperilled an a cycle of increasingly dangerous situations with his sex clients. He also learns that his health is rapidly deteriorating and despite his best intentions and ways to live an alternative safer and healthy life present themselves we learn the truth about what Michel really wants.

This is one of the best French films about being human and living at the far reaches of society. It's a bracing, sexually explicit, and ultimately engrossing tale about choice. I loved it, but I found some of the sex scenes near the bone for my tastes - it's full on.