Rent Shark Attack (1999)

The sharks are the smartest things in this dim-witted dtv miss - Shark Attack review by BG

Casper Van Dien's had a disappointing career, but most of his films after Starship Troopers seem to suggest why; - while the more established actors were acting hammy and over-earnest to fit the satirical tone, that was Van Dien at the top of his game. Here he brings more of the same as a scientist who's up against diabolical bad guys (with evil laughs), angry natives and a rash of mystery shark attacks. The fishermen are angry, there's a mysterious scientific facility that everyone wants to blame, and Van Dien has to unravel the mystery and save the day.

Unfortunately, as this is a cheap movie with a lazy plot, that means lots of pointless conversations loaded with pseudo science in cheap concrete labs, mystery thugs chasing people, blonde scientist women frowning into microscopes, and narrow escapes from angry fish. Make no mistake, the plot and the dialogue only exist as an excuse for a few near-miss shark attacks. Much as I wanted this to be good, it's clear that when Van Dien and his co-stars are being chased by sharks, the beasts are the smartest thing in the water. This feels the same quality level as a cheap Central-European-filmed Seagal movie, and even the shark attacks are poor, with low tension and a mixture of quality levels in the footage and effects.

Utterly predictable and as exciting as an over 60's yoga session.