Rent The American Battleship (2012)

This is NOT "Battleship". - The American Battleship review by Drumhum

Ok perhaps the joke is on me but I thought I was going to watch the budget busting film "Battleship" staring Liam Neeson et al. Instead I watched this movie.

"The American Battleship" is made by mockbluster movie makers Global Asylum who are in the business of ripping off major blockbuster films. Their other top releases include "Snakes on a Train", "Sunday School Musical" and "Transmorphers".

The whole film has clearly been shot on an ancient ship now tourist attraction. They actually manage to explain away the fact that the ship has lots of museum style information boards and posters dotted around the place by suggesting it is doing its last voyage on its way to becoming a tourist attraction museum. Once it sets sail you never get to see through any window or out-to-see in a convincing sense as in reality you'd be looking at dockside buildings. The set has probably never sailed for years. But they have some aerial footage of a battleship they cut to from time to time. in fact they use the same shot over and over again. Its like a war version of "the love boat".

It has the feel of 70's made for TV movie, with some truly hilarious computer graphics. Its funny because you get the feeling that someone really did try their best with this but only had a few hundred dollars to play with. And for that matter they probably did a pretty good job! You feel like you shouldn't be laughing for some reason. (I guess I'm talking about "cringing" really)

I love the fact they actually use certain "special shots", such as of explosions and big gun fire, more than once. I'm sure one clip was used at least four or five times. They obviously could only afford to make a bang go off once!

There are just too many hammy moments to mention.

For some reason I am left giggling, having had the most surprising of evenings. Its almost been a refreshing experience to see such low production values. I say "almost" though. Overall its a terrible film.

Apparently, Universal films are going legal on their ass over this. And I can't blame them. the fact they use almost the exact same graphics in their promotional pictures is going to get plenty of folk watching the wrong movie. There seems to be more than just harmless fun going on here.

Maybe I'm out of the loop and and should have been wise to what is going on with this movie but I think CinemaParadiso should make it clear that this film is not, er...that film!