You Hurt My Feelings (2023)

You Hurt My Feelings (aka Beth and Don) review by Mark McPherson - Cinema Paradiso

So much of the heart behind You Hurt My Feelings is like a mild climb up the smallest of molehills. It takes place in a New York City setting with a well-to-do married couple so firmly in love that barely anything could break them. So when questioning of opinions starts to shake their foundation, it registers less as an earthquake for their relationship and more like a brief tremor. One can only imagine how much damage their egos could take if something truly shocking were to occur.

The plight of these characters is bound by the world they occupy. The central couple is Beth and Don, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies, respectively. Beth is an author, and Don is a therapist. Both of them have hit roadblocks in their careers. Beth can’t sell her latest manuscript for years, and Don finds it hard to help his clients. Still, they weather the storm and celebrate another anniversary. They openly display their appreciation and love to the point of annoying their adult son, Elliott (Owen Teague). They also have healthy friendships, as Beth regularly does charity work with her sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), and Don regularly hangs out with Sarah’s husband, Mark (Arian Moayed).

But then, a conversation is overheard. Don confesses to Mark that Beth’s manuscript is no good, to which Beth and Sarah overhear this news. Beth is shocked and nearly throws up, unable to handle the news that her husband might not be all that honest with her. They should probably talk about this, considering how insecure Beth feels about her writing and how drained of empathy Don is becoming in his profession. That talk, however, will linger amid all the anxieties of honesty and relationships that feel stuck in a rut, evoked for all the melodrama and dry comedy there is to be milked from such a concept.

This film is so precious it becomes irritating to see how tender and careful these characters are with their relationships. It’s staged to feel like a mirror universe of Curb Your Enthusiasm, doing more to elevate its self-admitted narcissistic characters than poke all that much fun at them. There are only specs of this self-reflection throughout the film that lead to decent jokes but without a punchline. At one point, Beth brings up how she wishes her upbringing had more than just verbal abuse to seem more compelling. Those hoping somebody will drop some harsh truth on her about this weird desire for notoriety will be let down entirely. There’s also an admittance by Beth and Don that climate change is a far more significant issue than their petty squabbles. That’s a humbling notion, but it is more like a devaluation of an individual’s thoughts and feelings, strangely counterintuitive to the film's overall message.

The good news is that performances are genuine. Every character present in this narrative feels like a believable person with similar sensations of thoughts, fears, and nitpicks about the world. So much work went into making these performances feel authentic that I can’t help but wonder if the filmmakers were counting on the atmosphere to carry this picture. They ultimately have to consider the drama is most mello, and the comedy amounts to little more than a smirk here and there. Even the expert comedic backup of David Cross and Amber Tamblyn as the most absurd of feuding couples in counseling does little to bring out the laughs, despite the great staging of their characters.

The joy of You Hurt My Feelings ultimately comes down to how reasonable and relatable one may find the characters. If you’re the type of person who often complains about how truth is glazed with moviemaking theatrics, this might be your film as the characters come across as someone you might meet and chat with in New York. That said, if you were hoping to laugh or cry at this narrative of a couple conquering the smallest of challenges, you will be left wanting more. The perfect summation of the film can be felt in the opening anniversary gift exchange, where Beth and Don force smiles and enthusiasm for the same gift. Good intentions presented in a ho-hum gift.